Would you like a drink?
by Crazy4Utwo
Summary: The Felt are 'super gay', or are they? Fin and Trace discus a particular coworkers possible attraction to women. FinxTrace, onesided HandmaidxQuarters


This fic was to sait my desire for Handmaidcentric Felt fics, though this isn't really focused around her. I always wanted to explore the possiblity of hetrosexual Leprecauns. It would be a lot harder for them, especially if their race is all male. There's also the fact that the Felt was all dead by the time the Handmaid was an adult, but she's a time traveler, so shush.

* * *

Trace and Fin were lounging in the kitchen, having a drink and talking. It was the end of another long day, and they had successfully gotten Doze back from the Midnight crew. Sure it was the seventh time this year, but it was an excuse to celebrate. They were having their typical sort of conversation, gossip about the other Felt, the Midnight Crew, who's turn it was to clean up Eggs and Biscuits latest mess, you know, the usual. Somehow, the topic of conversation wandered to one of their co workers.

"I'm tellin' you." Fin said, waving his nearly empty glass, "I really think Quarter's a bit weird, I've never seen him bone anyone else in the house, and trust me, I'd know if anyone in this house has done the horizontal hello."

"Well he could jus' be like Die, n'have no interest." Trace said, his glass was empty and he didn't feel like drinking more.

"But at least Die and Itchy got's a thing going." Fin moved in closer, so that Trace could smell the vodka on him, "But Quarters. I've seen 'em solicit prostitutes. Female ones. Not boys in drag, but honest to goodness woman."

"Why you so obsessed with dis? Do yous wanna bone him?" Trace asked, leaning away from him.

True, they were in a relationship, with each other, but it was pretty open. Fin was a bit of a pervert and enjoyed trying new things and new people. Hell, he'd even done a woman before, out of pure novelty, but Trace didn't judge him on it much. He too was a little curious.

"Pff, I had tried to get him in bed once, but he just got annoyed. His loss." Fin took another swig of vodka, "I did find out that he has has a picture of Handy in his special gun locker."

"You mean the one he keeps Penny in?" Trace asked, referring to his favorite mini gun.

"Yeah. He just has this picture of her. She's posing and stuff, so it's not like he was a creeper or anything." Fin said.

"Do you remember when Clover was taking everyones picture?" Trace said, "Maybe he sold it to 'em."

"Could be." Fin said, nodding, "But if he has his eyes on the boss's bitch, something unpleasant could happen to him. I mean you cant blame him, she's a little fox, but he should watch himself."

"She is very cute, for a girl." Trace agreed, "But, next to Cans, Quarters is one of the bosses favorites. English probably wouldn't do anything too terrible to him."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Fin said, downing the remainder of his drink.

He frowned into his empty glass then looked to the bottle of vodka. It too, was empty. Fin had drank the majority of the bottle, he was more a drinker than his partner.

"Shit, that was our last bottle." Fin said.

"Or maybe you could try being sober for five minutes." Trace said, rolling his eyes.

Fin gave him a look that was one part hurt and two parts annoyance. Really, he didn't drink often enough to be a drunk, even Itchy's coffee problem was worse. It was just fun to tease him.

"The bottle was already half gone, lets just buy some more. Or we could borrow someone else's." Fin said, the hurt gone.

"Are you two fuck ups going to raid the liquor cabinet again?" A harsh voice came from the door way.

Trace looked up, knowing exactly who it was. It was Quarters, the tall man stood in the door way, looking more annoyed than normal. Shit, had he been listening in on them? Even though he wasn't as 'passionate' as Cans could be, the gunman wasn't someone you'd want to piss off either.

"Hey. We's were just celebrate'in." Fin said, getting to his feet, "We ain't gonna cause any trouble."

"Remember the meeting we had yesterday?" Quarters prompted, crossing his arms.

"The one about the crew's casino?" Trace asked.

Quarters turned his stern gaze to him, and immediately Trace regretted speaking. He tried to sink back in his chair, but nearly fell over. Righting himself, Trace gave his superior an apologetic look. Instead of getting angry, Quarters expression softened.

"I just want all you boys to be ready. The worst thing that could happen would be someone getting plastered then getting themselves fucked up. Remember the time Die had a bad trip and stabbed himself in the gut? Well, I don't want that happening again."

Trace and Fin looked at each other, then to the floor. Leave it to Quarters to scare you then make you feel like a scolded child. The man was like a teacher or something.

"You two look like you've had plenty anyways." Quarters said, approaching the table and picking up the empty bottle, "Why don't you just call it a night? But drink some water first."

Fin looked at the door, and perked up, his mouth turning into a grotesquely cute grin. Quarters tossed the empty bottle into the recycling, and looked over at the door.

"Who's coming in?" Trace asked.

Fin straightened his coat, "Let's get going, Trace."

Trace wanted to ask again, but obviously Fin didn't feel like sharing what he saw. He wondered who it was though, it was just his natural curiosity. Both him and Fin were naturally mischievous as well, with latter taking the bulk of that trait.

Fin glanced around the kitchen, grinning again before he tugged on Traces arm. Sparing a glance at Quarters, Trace allowed Fin to lead him out of the kitchen. Quarters just watched them go, and shook his head.

The two rounded the corner into the hallway, Trace keeping an eye for who ever Fin had gotten excited about. Faded red streams filled Trace's vision, this was a busy walkway, since it did lead to the kitchen, and most of the Felt were prone to midnight snacking.

"There." Fin said, nudging Trace's shoulder.

It was the Handmaid walking down the hall. Even though her hair was still long, she was an adult, not the fierce teenage girl that had showed up years ago. She was always in and out of the mansion, on missions god knows where.

"Hey." She said, giving them a smile.

They both grinned back, but kept going. She passed them, and they could hear her go into the kitchen. Trace eyed Fin, as they both stopped, listening in.

"Die, listen, I know it's annoying when Itchy- Oh." Quarters began, his tone quickly changing, "I didn't expect it to be you, sorry miss."

"It's okay. I was just going to make some tea, would you like some too?" The Handmaid asked.

"If you're making it any ways, I don't see why not." He answered, his tone polite, and the most pleasant they'd ever heard from him.

Trace found it sort of cute how Quarters was treating the Handmaid. The tall Leprechaun wasn't cruel, but he was a hard ass. Clover was the only person they ever saw him being nice to, though he did treat Sn0wman with a lot of respect.

"Dis is cute and everything, but why is we still standing here?" Trace whispered.

Fin put up his hand, the other was over his mouth, keeping any of his laughter from escaping. He could get like this sometimes, over really stupid things. Trace rolled his eyes, but stayed put to humor his partner.

There were the sounds of a kettle being put on, and a chair being moved across the floor.

"Quarters." The Handmaid said, "When I asked Crowbar, he said that Leprechauns are all attracted to men, is that true?"

Fin couldn't hear the future, how had he known? Unless something else would happen, something else that caused him to chuckle inwardly.

"Yes." Quarters' voice was measured, slow.

"It makes sense. You're all men, right?" The Handmaid continued.

The water boiled, and Quarters got up to pour the tea, his footsteps heavy. There was the sloshing of hot water into mugs, then he returned to the table. It was obviously something aromatic, since the smell of spices could he noticed from where the eavesdroppers were standing.

"Yes, it's most common. If you weren't, you'd be out of luck." Quarters explained.

"But it could happen?" The Handmaid asked.

There was another long pause, only interrupted by the sound of a mug hitting the table a little too hard.

"Miss, what are you trying to say?" Quarters said finally.

Trace found himself leaning towards the kitchen door, eager to hear how this turned out. Maybe he was a sucker for relationship drama, but he didn't care. They also might be getting proof of their superiors strange sexuality.

"Well..." The Handmaid's voice because somewhat bashful, "I think Itchy has been trying to flirt with me. Not exactly trying, more being really blunt, then running away when I say anything. I don't know what to do."

Trace was pretty sure an aura of disappointment had filled the hallway, emanating from the kitchen. It was so quiet, they could even hear the piano that was coming from down stairs, possibly Crowbar. This was the longest few seconds of Traces life, as he got ready to bolt, in case Quarters left without a word.

Quarters voice, however, remained warm and hospitable, "Do you want me do slap him around for you?"

"No, I just find it very confusing." The Handmaid said, "I mean, he's okay, but I know him and Die have one of those dance based relationships, and... Honestly, I'm not really attracted to him, he isn't... Good looking. Like you or even Trace."

The disappointment was gone, though Trace was pretty sure he wouldn't have been able to notice it over his own blush. Aww, she thought he was good looking. He felt Fin lean closer to him, and thankfully he didn't look angry, he looked more smug than anything. Like he knew how lucky he was, and Trace leaned against him as well.

"That's very flattering of you." Quarters said, his voice sounding like he was smiling, "I'll talk with Itchy, I don't want him making you feel uncomfortable."

"You don't have to, but it would be nice. Just don't use him as target practice or something." The Handmaid said, also sounding like she was smiling.

"You have my word." Quarters said, his voice warm.

Fin and Trace looked at each other, then decided to head off. Maybe tomorrow, Quarters would be nicer, or maybe not. That moment of weakness might make him feel he'd have to act even more tough and hard boiled. The two finally made it past the common room, and up the stairs to their rooms.

"Ey Fin." Trace said, "Can I sleep in you's room?"

"Why? Feeling frisky?" Fin asked, putting an arm around his middle.

"No..." Trace began.

They headed up the stairs, Trace leading Fin up. His partner's body was being to feel heavier, like he was putting more wait on him. Even if he was horny, Fin would probably fall asleep before he got his pants off.

"I just think you's needs some company." Trace said, leading him to his bed room.

"Kay... Ya think Handy and Quarts are ever gonna fuck?" Fin asked, hiccuping.

"I dunno. Rather not think about it, honestly." Trace said, the blush in his cheeks not just from the booze.

Fin chucked, and they entered his room, ready for a good nights sleep. However, all they got was an awful hang over.


End file.
